tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89771502545916968582012-01-28T01:20:54.294-06:00when i sit in darkness, the lord will be a light to me - micah 7:8joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.comBlogger1021100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-42439356412178685712011-06-09T22:24:00.002-05:002011-06-09T22:43:31.583-05:00

You.Yes, you.A different you.I would tell you how much I love you, but it would be wasting my time. You already know. I loved you to the death of us. A heartbreaking, slow, painful death. I would say that you broke my heart, but really I broke my own. And it hurt. Oh, did it hurt. But I don't have to tell you that. You know what a broken heart feels like, especially now. You know.When I saw you,

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-60567273299993893472010-09-16T15:14:00.003-05:002010-09-16T15:33:20.157-05:00

Money.It can't make you happy.Nobody talks about it.Everybody thinks about it.You can never have enough of it.Money has never been a huge issue in my life. I admit there are times that I have worried about making enough, but it was more about what I wanted than it was about what I needed. I've always been comfortable. The bills have always gotten paid. Until now.I am in some sort of transition in

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-24375199536606819552010-05-19T20:47:00.002-05:002010-05-19T20:55:15.317-05:00

I quit my job yesterday. I don't think I've ever formally given a two weeks notice and actually quit a job. So I'm surprised at myself. And I hate change.Two weeks ago I was offered another job, and though I originally passed, about a week later I randomly picked up the phone, called, and said I'd take it. Out of nowhere.All signs except one point to taking the job. But I'm hesitant, still. A new

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-56403441660961209702010-05-10T19:57:00.001-05:002010-05-10T20:02:04.668-05:00

I haven't been here in a while.But I need it.So I'm back.Get ready.

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-90961425397567510712009-08-14T22:35:00.002-05:002009-08-14T23:05:53.743-05:00

Tonight I had a sudden, impromptu chance to visit a dear friend that I hadn't seen since her wedding nearly five years ago. I found her on facebook a few weeks ago (oh, technology) and was excited to finally have the chance to see her again. It had been too long.We worked together when I was still in high school, and she was a little over my age now. Those were fun, carefree days that include

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-25389673300880905862009-07-21T22:17:00.002-05:002009-07-21T22:24:07.527-05:00

I paced back and forth through the room, angry and broken and screaming. Every few minutes I would stop and fall on my knees, and cry out and plead. I couldn’t make sense of it. I couldn’t bear the thought of it. So I know that you couldn’t, either. My heart is intertwined with yours, and yours with mine, and it has been that way for a while now. You worry about me, and I used to tell you not to,

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-40581281848784243102008-11-26T23:59:00.001-06:002008-11-27T00:19:59.666-06:00

When I came home and took off my sweatshirt, I noticed that I smelled distinctly of two things. Grease and cigarettes. Two comforting things. I knew it would be important to find something comforting after my unsettling evening; I hate coming home and regretting where I've been and what I've said. I tried hard to see past my mood, to deny the things bubbling out of me, but it wasn't with much

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-68998311534736046542008-11-06T22:02:00.003-06:002008-11-06T22:13:11.214-06:00

You know those mornings when you wake up, and you really don't want to do it again today?You know when you don't know how you'll get through the whole day in one piece?You know when you end up being late for work, and you wonder why you even bothered?You know when your phone goes off, and one of you friends wants to know how you are, and you don't really know what to say?You know when the morning

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-31961211719192080422008-10-03T20:50:00.003-05:002008-10-03T21:10:37.564-05:00

I'm going to miss the way I don't mind getting up in the morning and going to work.I'm going to miss not caring if I look like hell because my worries kept me up all night.I'm going to miss emergency coffee right inside the front door.I'm going to miss making the rounds to say good morning.I'm going to miss dancing on the counter on Friday afternoons.I'm going to miss singing at the top of my

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-5826122103754568342008-08-27T20:53:00.002-05:002008-08-27T21:14:26.476-05:00

Four months ago:I asked God whether I should stay or go. He said go.But I wasn't paying attention. He never said where.Two months ago:I'm told that I can't go where I wanted to go.But I thought I was supposed to go. What now, God? You weren't paying attention. I told you to go, but I didn't tell you where.Three days ago:"I don't want to stay here after you go.""Where are you going to go?""I don't

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-30431859515836551992008-08-24T22:52:00.006-05:002008-08-24T23:00:31.885-05:00

I find it odd that the emotion that caused me to stop going to church five months ago is the exact same emotion that drove me back to church this weekend. I didn't know that the two extremes of this emotion would send me two opposite directions. It is one of the most powerful, controlling emotions that we ever deal with. That emotion is anger.I was angry this past spring. Angry at my pastor for

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-67541912655544213512008-08-12T21:23:00.002-05:002008-08-12T22:04:50.996-05:00

One of my favorite things about God is that He often gives us gifts that we never would have expected. There have been times in my life that God has given me something that I had no idea I needed until after I got it, and by then I was sure that I never could have lived without it. These things are special because I didn't know they were missing until they suddenly were there. I didn't know I

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-9287405794885552822008-07-22T10:47:00.002-05:002008-07-22T10:54:57.163-05:00

Five years.It's been five years.Five years, and no matter what they say, it doesn't get any easier.Five years, and my life has been turned upside down so many times I have lost count.One single moment, between four and six in the morning, has changed everything about the last five years.Five years is an eternity, and it is yesterday, all at the same time.Five years and I don't miss you any less

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-39465455629527403432008-07-13T21:06:00.002-05:002008-07-13T21:09:45.060-05:00

on the phone with my dad:[me]: dad! a filling fell out of my tooth![dad]: well i guess you better call the dentist.[me]: i'm poor! i can't afford the dentist! isn't it going to be expensive to fix?[dad]: it's not going to be inexpensive. but you gotta do what you gotta do.[me]: you'd think these things would come with a lifetime guarantee or something! seriously!hahahahhahahaha....

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-73103357722709267582008-07-12T23:59:00.000-05:002008-07-13T00:42:04.258-05:00

The (other) blue screen of death told me that the satellite signal had been lost. Yeah, that's why I don't have satellite. I listened to the rain and thunder and tried not to panic. I love storms. Unless I'm alone. Add the being alone part to being alone in an unfamiliar house, and you've got quite a combination. I sent Jenn a text referring to the mild heart attack I was having, and she told me

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-58725183312779091852008-07-05T23:54:00.000-05:002008-07-05T23:54:00.484-05:00

July is a painful month for me. It holds the hardest of my memories, and I never look forward to this month. This year is no exception, especially since I found out that my boss's mother also died in July. The knowledge of this led to a painful, yet much needed, conversation in my car the other day that leaves me wondering if I can survive July this year.I have the day off on Monday. My friend at

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-74311654661314731952008-06-22T17:20:00.002-05:002008-06-22T17:22:35.751-05:00

Wal-Mart. In Antioch. On a Sunday afternoon. With a 102 degree temp and some of the worst body aches in history. 45 minute wait on my prescription. Might have been one of the worst things I've ever experienced.I just wanna feel better. I've had enough already.

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-36737846122755729392008-06-12T22:25:00.000-05:002008-06-12T22:25:56.466-05:00

I've had three people tell me within the last 24 hours that I think too much. It's just been one of "those" weeks. There's a lot on my mind. I thought I would share.#1: It is painful to suddenly realize that you've spent a lot of time mourning the loss of something that you never actually had to lose in the first place. Ouch.#2: It is even more painful to mourn the loss of something you actually

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-27000660075510745032008-06-11T21:43:00.000-05:002008-06-11T21:43:18.775-05:00

"Thanks for listening. I love you and your hidden little heart.""I love you too. And I really want to see you happy.""You saying that makes me want to trust you.""The fact that you don't yet just means that you need to trust people more.""I have trust issues. I've was told one too many times that I wasn't worth it. It made me very distrusting.""You ARE worth it. So there."Weird how four little

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-30709792399731578082008-06-09T19:23:00.002-05:002008-06-09T19:27:11.629-05:00

i have found a million things and a million people to blame for why things turned out the way they did. i could spend the rest of my life finding more. but in the end, it wasn't until the moment that i realized that it wasn't my fault, or anyone else's, but instead the work of God, who knew better than i ever did, that made things turn out the way they did. so maybe it will be alright after all.

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-39681192981027854672008-06-08T00:33:00.001-05:002008-06-08T00:34:46.013-05:00

Tonight I had dinner with both a friend that I hadn't seen in a while and a friend that I see every day. It was a slightly eye-opening experience. I learned that sometimes you don't know how much has changed (or how much you have changed) until you sit with someone who knew only who you were, and not who you are now.Lately I have had a unique answer to the "How are you?" question: "I'm good, just

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-65251003716511680142008-05-25T00:52:00.005-05:002008-05-25T00:55:24.080-05:00

"Sin is like ink, it bleeds into a person, coloring, making you someone other than you used to be. And it's indelible. Try as much as you want, you cannot get yourself back."-Jodi Picoult Perfect Match

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-58424990196418987972008-05-24T23:23:00.002-05:002008-05-24T23:29:54.126-05:00

We stood outside in the dark and looked up at the stars. She chattered for a while, like she always does when she drinks. She chatters, and my thoughts get serious. As soon as she got quiet, I spoke."What happened to me?""What do you mean?""Suddenly I find myself standing in the yard with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, and I have to ask, 'Who the hell am I?'"And she laughed. And

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-86305368572554324822008-05-22T21:43:00.002-05:002008-05-22T21:56:05.237-05:00

[laying on the floor in our boss's office, hiding on our lunch breaks]me: "Am I crazy?"her: "Just a little. But it's ok. Most of us are a little crazy."(silence for a few moments)me: "Am I TOO crazy?"her: "No. You're just a little over the top."me: "How do you not be a little over the top? Because I don't like that."her: "You take what God dishes out to you, and you deal with it. You don't ask

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-24564440697596697042008-05-21T19:21:00.002-05:002008-05-21T19:32:43.878-05:00

Violet eyes, white cloud skiesShe was plainly ordinaryNo silver wings, no big dreamsShe never bothered anybodyNo gamble, no riskNo clenching her fistWhen you close your eyesIt won’t help you forget…One day more or lessOne more longing envy, for greener grassAnything to please fill this hole in me.Wounded soul, no home to go toBut really nothing so unusualShe learns to deal, and maybe not to

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-41064717989406268362008-05-20T21:29:00.000-05:002008-05-20T21:30:09.337-05:00

[Note: I found out today that wounds can't heal until you remember where they came from. I have managed to repress most of the memories from the first 20 years of my life, and when I asked Jesus to heal me, He caused me to start remembering the roots of most of my pain. Often I am struck down by sudden flashbacks, and often they take my breath away. I want to start talking about them. Starting

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-66262426762187127382008-05-20T21:23:00.000-05:002008-05-21T21:40:30.668-05:00

I rolled over and pulled the phone out from under my pillow when I heard loud footsteps on the stairs. It was 5:57am. I started to count, and at nine, he busted through the door whispering my name. He had something important to say (don't all 4-year-olds?). I convinced him to get in my bed and I played dead for almost 15 minutes by only giving a "uh-huh" or "uh-uh" when necessary. He let me get

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-61699564696460442712008-05-18T20:34:00.002-05:002008-05-18T20:59:44.923-05:00

I Don't like:-the headache I get when I don't have my morning coffee-the days that I have no desire to get out of bed-when the dog wakes me up too early and I can't go back to sleep-waking up in the middle of the night and my thoughts keep me awake-being tossed around at work (who knew I would appreciate my own classroom?)-when I can't calm one of my babies down-being so lost in thought that I

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-29484395677789421092008-05-15T20:55:00.002-05:002008-05-15T21:02:20.084-05:00

"For many months I prayed that God would give you friends there. But then I realized that it's not about where you are. Because maybe you think it's because you are there, but I'm here and I don't really have friends anymore either. It's just important that you have other people period. And maybe sometimes we don't because we're not supposed to. I don't really know. I just know that it sucks

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-25997566723269156032008-05-14T22:18:00.000-05:002008-05-14T22:18:54.745-05:00

You told me that I would walk away from You at least one more time.I didn't know it would be so soon.You unraveled the seams that held my heart together, and everything that was inside came spilling out. It was so very ugly to look upon. I revealed all of the unpleasantries, and it hurts me now to know that another knows just how ugly I was on the inside. It makes me want to hide.I was so angry

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-88975689740049450982008-05-13T20:17:00.000-05:002008-05-13T20:17:52.941-05:00

I remember the cold January night that my mom was diagnosed with cancer for the second time. I remember standing behind her at the sink while she washed the dinner dishes, and I will never forget what she said. She told me that she wasn't ready to die yet because her kids weren't done being raised. I remember it breaking my heart. Maybe it still does.I remember the morning after she went to the

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-64972826656372915122008-05-07T21:23:00.002-05:002008-05-07T21:34:51.093-05:00

I had some interesting conversations today. I'll blame it on the weather.Me- "Hey Rach, you know those first three seconds after you first wake up in the morning, when you forget what you were crying about when you fell asleep, and everything is perfectly ok for a whole three seconds?"Rachel-"Yeah. I know what you mean."Me-"That's my favorite time of day. Those three seconds."My closest friend at

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-7244414612094662682008-05-06T21:50:00.005-05:002008-05-18T21:02:04.008-05:00

Tears in a bottle and wounds that are soreNo one beside you to battle your warBut I cannont rescue your heart from the emptyI must release you, for I've given plenty-Sandra McCracken "Plenty"

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-15997114020634499902008-05-03T05:49:00.001-05:002008-05-03T05:52:42.225-05:00

You.I don't think you have any idea how much I worry about you.The clock read 5:25am on my dashboard when I got in the car to drive home.It was pouring rain, and I worried all night about whether you could drive in the rain.Yes, I worried all night long. You said you'd be home at ten.Where were you?Do I even want to know?I found the hundred dollars you left on the stairs on my way out.You've

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-60163420434524689752008-04-27T21:12:00.002-05:002008-04-27T21:15:35.337-05:00

Most Sunday mornings I feel the need to look absolutely perfect in order to go to church. So this morning before I left the bathroom, I grabbed the fingernail polish remover so that I could take the two-week-old nail polish off of my fingers. It didn't quite go with my outfit. It ruined the perfect-ness.On the way to church, it occurred to me that I had forgotten to take it off. I had a momentary

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-82106118910148020962008-04-26T23:11:00.003-05:002008-04-26T23:18:49.344-05:00

I came home from babysitting last night, and there was a box of dog bones on the kitchen counter. I thought that was interesting, because Bryan and Jessica had been talking about going to the pound and looking at dogs. When I turned around, there was a bowl of dog food on the floor. Hmmm....I went upstairs to investigate, and texted Jess and asked her if we got a dog. She came walking out of the

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-87340558041411785652008-04-23T20:15:00.000-05:002008-04-23T20:15:12.510-05:00

Sometimes it is important for me to remember that it's ok to not have a plan, because God does. He knows what He is doing, and He knows where my life is going to go. There are days that I need to find comfort in that. He is holding me, and He will give me what I need to get to the next step. Good thing.I have mentioned lately that it seems I have learned to cry. I forgot how for a few years, and

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-58835580016588322922008-04-20T17:10:00.003-05:002008-04-20T17:43:15.476-05:00

For me, the definition of "family" is relative (no pun intended). I have had an unfortunate and awkward family situation develop in the last four-ish years of my life, and I would no longer consider my "family" to be the people I share blood with as much as it is the people that I share my life with. I have my reasons for considering my situation to be unfortunate. In in ideal situation, your

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-2103690843146547612008-04-17T22:07:00.000-05:002008-04-17T22:07:06.273-05:00

I firmly believe that God gives us everything we need to get through anything He brings us to. Going along with that, I am beginning to learn that He may not always gives us exactly what we want to get through it, but instead exactly what we need. He does know better than us, I hear.I have cried more in the last three days than in the last three months. Little things, silly things, have set me

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-81694056480523005942008-04-16T20:12:00.001-05:002008-04-16T20:13:48.661-05:00

I think sometimes that I don't want to ask God the questions because I'm afraid I already know the answers. I'm afraid that they are the answers that I don't want to hear; the answers that will make it hurt deeper. I'm not running from the questions, I'm running from the answers. The sad part is, it doesn't matter how fast I run. It doesn't matter how well I cover my ears. It won't make His

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-47746526313460081132008-04-15T22:06:00.000-05:002008-04-15T22:06:20.049-05:00

I am convinced that one of the most exhausting things in life is pretending that everything is ok when the world is crashing in around us. There is nothing harder than putting on a happy face when it hurts too badly to even breathe. And yet, we do it anyways. We do it, and we do it well.It all started with the first of at least seven "How was your trip?"s today. "It was good!", I would reply, not

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-62389954319216694712008-03-29T18:29:00.003-05:002008-03-29T19:01:45.528-05:00

A year ago, if you would've asked me what my favorite day of the week was, I would have told you that it was Sunday. I liked Sundays because Sundays meant that I got to get up and go to church with all my friends (I LOVED church), and then spend the rest of the day hanging out and pondering the thoughts that had been stirred while Jamie preached that morning. Sundays were my "deep thought" days,

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-42785796445566592672008-03-25T20:55:00.000-05:002008-03-25T20:55:32.013-05:00

She sat down across from me, sighed, and looked up and met my eyes. "Somedays I'm just so sad. Somedays I really don't like my life."I nodded, and encouraged her to keep talking."I feel like I must have been made for more than this. Am I wasting my time? Will things ever change?"I pulled out my journal and read to her something that I had written nearly three weeks earlier:Sometimes I am

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-20748048527671659322008-03-21T23:51:00.000-05:002008-03-22T01:17:18.362-05:00

It was a beautiful day. The kind of beautiful that makes you ridiculously happy to be alive, and to be where you are. I was originally sad about having Good Friday off, because I was too poor to not work, but once I went outside this morning I changed my mind. I decided to take advantage of the wonderful weather by driving down to Murfreesboro and tracking down some old friends. We spent the

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-83701166845807196732008-03-10T15:51:00.000-05:002008-03-10T15:55:01.025-05:00

I wrote a lot while I was in Brazil, and I'm going to post it and backlog it. It may take a little while to do so, being as I have to type it all up and I'm still so tired, but I will get it all on here eventually. Bear with me.

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-4538836800428189632008-03-02T23:51:00.000-06:002008-03-22T01:16:12.685-05:00

This morning I rode the bus to church next to a girl who was sold into slavery at the age of eight. For fifty cents. By her own parents. What do you do with that?I've been convinced for a while now that we are each given our own unique hell to survive in life. Mine looks much different from yours. Mine also looks much different than the ones of these children. These children have truly seen hell,

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-34854280565526818632008-03-01T10:02:00.002-06:002008-03-10T16:06:25.942-05:00

The alarm went off at 3:40 in the morning. I rolled over and turned the light on."Anne! I need you to wake up and tell me everything is going to be ok. I don't want to go!""I'm awake. You'll be fine."I don't remember the drive to the airport. When we got there, I lost my mind. I needed something to go wrong so that I didn't have to get on the plane. No luck. I got to security and Anne stopped me

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-37233093281101520562008-02-28T17:27:00.003-06:002008-02-28T17:35:51.071-06:00

On Monday, my room flooded. My suitcases and bags of things for my trip got all wet. I was discouraged.On Tuesday, we were hit with a freak snow storm. I laughed. Satan was getting creative.On Wednesday, I came down with the flu. I cried. A lot.Today is Thursday. So far, so good. My suitcases are dry, the snow is gone, and my fever melted away with it. Thank you to everyone who called and said

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-29919714991165716012008-02-24T14:09:00.002-06:002008-02-24T14:18:36.828-06:00

I like details. I mean, I really might be obsessed with them. If you've ever had a conversation with me, you would know this to be true. I have no short version of any story. If you want the short version, you should probably ask someone else. I really like all the details. I always have. In a way, it might be a good thing, because I always remember little things that no one else notices. Today,

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-24580267088513585872008-02-17T20:41:00.003-06:002008-02-17T22:11:09.417-06:00

Most mornings when I get to work, I head straight for the coffee pot. I make about half a pot, give or take a cup, depending on how much I need to be awakened that day. I stand in the kitchen and talk with my boss and the boys until it is done, and then I grab my mug and fix myself some. Once it is ready, I find a spot in the house (usually a couch or the stairs), get the boys occupied with

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-3346339975567265492008-02-05T15:02:00.000-06:002008-02-07T21:20:21.267-06:00

Sometimes life can get a little overwhelming.Sometimes I don't know which way to go.Sometimes I just want to sit and cry,And sometimes I don't know how to say no.Sometimes it's all too much.Sometimes it's never enough.Sometimes I really need a damn nap,Because sometimes life is just tough.(postscript: I am not a poet. But this picture made me laugh, and it needed something stupid to go with it. I

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-52783610826366277782008-01-31T22:31:00.000-06:002008-01-31T22:31:16.911-06:00

It seems there has been a trend lately among my friends of getting new jobs. Each person I know that has started a new job lately has made the initial announcement with great excitement and anticipation behind it. I, of course, can be no exception. I accepted a new job offer yesterday, and will be quitting my current job tomorrow promptly at 1pm (hopefully). Everyone I have told, I have told

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-58897281530156511142008-01-25T13:27:00.001-06:002008-01-25T13:51:52.738-06:00

I am grateful for second chances. They are good for starting over and they are good for trying to do things right, or better, the second time. The other night I sat in church and talked to Jesus for a little bit about learning to forgive myself. I just recently realized that though I tend to be bitter towards people who hurt me or others, I am actually way more unforgiving towards myself. I have

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-24162590646139885392008-01-18T14:35:00.000-06:002008-01-18T14:35:56.624-06:00

This afternoon I was sitting in the kitchen with the boys watching Blues Clues. They were both eating cheetos as their after lunch snack (yes, there is such a thing), and I was eating green beans. I never really ate cheetos as a kid, and it had probably been at least a year since I had had some, but for some reason they smelled really good. So, when Blaine wasn't looking I grabbed the bag and

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-8492688047675961932008-01-16T21:29:00.000-06:002008-01-16T21:29:37.482-06:00

After a string of hard, terrifying days, tonight I thank Jesus that today was an easier one. The hard part is not over, but He knew I needed a break. Thank You, Lord.I am lucky to have discovered a few things about this battle inside myself thus far in my journey, and I thought I'd share.1. My mind is my own worst enemy.2. Everything is usually ok in the daylight. After dark, not so much.3.

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-5085640974886205482008-01-09T21:51:00.000-06:002008-01-09T22:13:13.579-06:00

I am not much of a crier. It seems that at some point in my teenage years I was hardened by life, and I now find very little worth crying about. I have encountered a few tragedies in my short life, and it makes the smaller things seem silly to be sad about. Lately, that doesn't seem to be the case anymore.I was not aware that after the decision I made the other day that my body and my mind would

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-6632204572148599742008-01-07T21:58:00.000-06:002008-01-07T23:04:03.289-06:00

I was laying on the couch in the sunshine, listening to both the baby monitor and the distant sounds coming through the open window. It was a gorgeous day, but despite the warm breeze blowing in, my own fear was causing me to shiver. I knew it was coming, I felt it deep inside of me, and there was little I could do to prevent it.Sure enough, a few seconds later I both felt and heard a shift

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-56630595447785635152007-12-18T02:10:00.000-06:002007-12-18T02:10:53.773-06:00

Tonight I sat for six hours and watched my best friend repeat the stages of grief over and over again until she slept. We walked in circles between anger and sadness, and I let her scream and cry, and even broke down with her three or four times. It was a hard night, but as I drove home at the wee hour of one a.m., I began to think about emotion and how much conversations about anger have been

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-82788074207854137932007-12-14T22:24:00.000-06:002007-12-15T00:26:05.256-06:00

This weekend I have the privilege (which, sometimes is more of a daunting task) of spending the weekend in Seattle with my boss and the boys. When I found out that my boss's brother was getting married here this weekend, I begged to come. It's a good thing, because she would not have survived this trip without me. I do not hesitate to be bold enough to say that, because it's true. At this point I

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-16520665930105002872007-12-10T10:20:00.000-06:002007-12-10T10:20:39.957-06:00

I have learned more about myself this year than in any of the twenty years of my life prior to this one. What I have learned about myself has brought me so much more clarity about why I am the way I am, and through that I have been granted truth and freedom. This has caused me to no longer believe in self-defining moments, but rather self-defining periods of life. This has definitely been one for

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-62208549561801463292007-12-07T00:01:00.000-06:002007-12-06T22:34:54.754-06:00

Hi Mom!Well, Happy Birthday! You would have been 55 today. Which means I would have made fun of you. Of course :) But that's ok, because I'm getting old, too! Can you believe that I'm going to be 22 on my next birthday? It's all passing a little too quickly. I miss you here. I wish you could see everything that has happened as I've grown. I can't believe how much things have changed since you've

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-24758027066624284132007-12-06T14:18:00.000-06:002007-12-06T14:59:36.342-06:00

I woke up on Tuesday afternoon to a slightly disheartening message in my facebook inbox from a good friend who is on vacation in California. It began by telling me that there was a prayer need for a friend of my friend. "Ok, simple enough," I thought. I began to skim over the message and see who it was that needed prayer, and what had happened. When I got to the second paragraph, however, my eyes

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-88557946856720780932007-12-03T23:03:00.000-06:002007-12-03T23:21:34.966-06:00

I haven't had anything profound to say lately. Which is apparently going around. Maybe because so much happened in about two weeks time that I am now taking the time to process it all. Maybe because I've been sick with a fever that I can't get rid of. Maybe because I'm not working and therefore quite bored. I'm not really sure why.I've spent the last two days being content with where I am right

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-2544587853988544772007-11-27T20:47:00.000-06:002007-11-27T21:26:59.978-06:00

I need peace of mind and a lullaby'Cause theres an angry voice in my head tonightTellin' me to do things that can't be rightI need peace of mind and a lullabyJesus, I need the angry voices to stop. I have declared Your power over them, and they no longer can dictate what I do, or whisper lies to me in the dark. In this, You have given me peace of mind. Thank You. I need peace of mind and a

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-11739678365419476922007-11-25T22:35:00.000-06:002007-11-25T22:54:42.026-06:00

I am not a fan of secrets. I think that they make things very complicated, and I think they have the power to do much harm. The problem is, I have a secret. Today I revealed my secret twice, once this morning to someone I hardly know, and once tonight to a dear friend. In telling my secret twice in one day, I came to realize that maybe I was wrong about secrets. While they can do harm, it seems

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-71904673915557620332007-11-22T23:59:00.000-06:002007-11-23T00:23:18.397-06:00

Today I had an eight hour long conversation with a stranger. The last three hours were so intense it may take me a week to process it all.She has blue hair and five tattoos. She wasn't what I expected from our phone conversation. People rarely are.I ate Thanksgiving dinner with her, her ever so welcoming and friendly husband, and her two precious young children. She's a great cook.She dealt me

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-68802413414445067732007-11-20T02:39:00.000-06:002007-11-20T02:41:54.917-06:00

I have trouble tolerating pain. And I'm not talking about the physical something-hurts kind of pain. I tolerate that quite well. That should be obvious from the tattoo on my foot that I say hurt "in a good way". I'm talking about emotional pain...the kind that makes your heart hurt and that makes it a little bit harder to breathe. The kind of pain we all go to great lengths to stay one step ahead

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-35376701814141143322007-11-18T12:53:00.001-06:002007-11-18T13:47:52.719-06:00

I think sometimes it is easy to forget how much power there is in honesty. I mean real, no holding back honesty. The kind of honesty where you no longer lie to prevent from hurting someone, but instead you just speak truth. Even the kind of truth that hurts.This morning after church I had a conversation with a friend that might be one of the hardest conversations I have ever had. She just sat

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-11352797515283260292007-11-17T23:54:00.000-06:002007-11-18T00:12:09.471-06:00

Today was one of those exceptionally hard days that life brings along sometimes. I was called out to the house I grew up in, on very short notice, to say my final goodbyes. My dad told me a few months ago that he was selling it, but I didn't expect it all to happen so quickly. They close next Monday. I guess I was mistaken.I took two friends with me to go pick up the things my stepmom pulled out

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-17572155341255139512007-11-16T23:32:00.000-06:002007-11-16T23:36:58.171-06:00

Oh, I'm home. I'm so glad. I walked in the door and was immediately hugged by my roommate. It feels good to be missed :) Sometimes I'm not sure anyone ever misses me. Now I know. And I am grateful.As soon as I recover from a very long trip and a very busy weekend ahead, I promise I will post all that has gone on. I don't have to go back to work until the 26th. Woo Hoo!!!Be ready for funny stories

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-28227783284316774862007-11-14T14:03:00.001-06:002007-11-14T14:07:13.170-06:00

At last, after five days of searching, my dear computer has found an internet connection. I have so much to post, including pictures and fun videos. I have also had many thought provoking moments here in the mid-west, as they seem to make more time for that around here. However, at this time, my boss is out of town and I am playing mom for the next two days here in farmland. So it is questionable

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-31321717506358426002007-11-08T22:21:00.000-06:002007-11-08T22:22:05.336-06:00

In approximately fourteen hours I am going to climb into a car and hope to survive the next ten. My boss, the kids and I are driving to Iowa tomorrow. God help us. I do not travel well, and it becomes even less well when you add a three-year-old and a one-year-old to the mix. Again, God help us. When it is my turn to drive, I will be driving as fast as I can. If it comes to be that I feel the

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-46697139609440060942007-11-07T21:37:00.000-06:002007-11-07T22:02:07.338-06:00

There has been a strange, scary rash of murders in the greater Nashville area in the past week or so. One of these murders includes the one at a house less than a mile from mine on Saturday night that caused us to lock our doors on Sunday night (something we rarely do). I have to admit, when one of the murders occurred so close by, I was a little afraid to sleep alone. I am the only person that

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-30599166997893474922007-11-06T23:01:00.000-06:002007-11-06T23:16:58.922-06:00

I have been restless lately. The kind of restless where I have a hard time going to bed because I feel like I have better things to do, and I have a hard time going to work because I feel like my days have more purpose than what I am currently using them for. It could be the change in the weather, because cold weather makes me feel cooped up, especially when it's dark by 5pm. Or, it could be the

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-60060877744977906992007-11-03T23:59:00.000-05:002007-11-04T01:23:25.058-05:00

No matter how old you get, being left at home and left out of the fun still hurts.Being able to sleep in is heavenly. Sleep is so, so good after a long week.Living with lots of people is fun, because there is often at least one person around to hang out with. And we truly are a bunch of brothers and sisters in this house.You are never too old to sport some footed pajamas. Nighttime in the fall

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-23436624451331590172007-11-02T13:46:00.001-05:002007-11-02T14:46:52.144-05:00

I spend my days in an area of suburbia otherwise known as East Brentwood. It's full of high-maintenance yuppies, driving their expensive cars, living in their huge houses, and giving their neighbors fake smiles and waves as they go out to get their mail at the end of the day. The particular street that I work on bears striking resemblance to the Wisteria Lane of TVs Desperate Housewives. Life for

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-24898316455605653062007-11-01T22:23:00.000-05:002007-11-01T22:36:37.648-05:00

I have chased so many deep thoughts today, and had so many serious issues to deal with, that I don't think I can pick just one to write about. So instead, I'd like to share my funniest moment of the day. I picked up my newest kids, Sydney (6) and Carson (2), this afternoon and took them home. Usually when we get there, there is a key under the front door mat to open the door with. Today, Deana

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-40915643772889022502007-10-30T15:49:00.000-05:002007-10-30T16:09:01.032-05:00

Last night after I came home crying my friend Leif told me that if I wanted something bad enough, I wouldn't let anyone stand in the way. And while I think that's true, I think it might be different when it's your parent. The person who once many years ago told you that you could do anything you wanted to do, and then twenty years later changed their mind. Life with my dad since my mom died has

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-84323693467736792332007-10-29T22:27:00.000-05:002007-10-29T22:34:19.408-05:00

Caution: Walking on water may cause drowning.I applied to massage therapy school today. An hour later my dad told me that he thought it was a stupid idea, that I won't do it, and that he won't give me his tax info so I can get federal aid. Wow. What incredible encouragement. In fact, it made me cry. I don't cry. So much for walking on water. I guess I'll just stay in the boat.

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-25347599331628400492007-10-28T15:45:00.000-05:002007-10-29T22:35:28.501-05:00

I took my passport to church this morning. Throughout the whole service, it sat in the chair next to me and stared me down. When the service was over, I took it, along with a decent amount of cash, and placed them in the hand of one of the pastors at my church. It was a statement. It was a faith step. I'm going to Brazil. No turning back now. This afternoon I sat on my back deck with Jesus. I

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-86922423627163087402007-10-27T00:59:00.000-05:002007-10-27T00:59:19.253-05:00

Tonight I went to a gathering (I don't much like to use the word "party" as a noun) at the home of two people I am ever so pleased to call my friends, and I took my new roommate with me. She hasn't met many people in the week that she has been here, and I really wanted her to meet the fabulous people that I call my friends. I, of course, had ideas of how she would fall in love with my friends as

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-73669884365447931022007-10-24T22:38:00.000-05:002007-10-24T22:51:31.540-05:00

Things I didn't like so far this week:1. Having to work on my day off.2. Working 43 hours in four days.3. Not having any fun at all.4. Coming home, eating dinner, showering, and going straight to bed, only to get up the next morning and repeat.5. Not having heard from any of my friends except one so far this week (I'm lonely!).6. The fact that it has rained all day every day all week.7. The fact

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-1753329907517391032007-10-22T23:45:00.000-05:002007-10-22T23:45:23.844-05:00

I've had trouble sleeping lately. And when I say this, I don't mean the kind of trouble sleeping that I usually have (I kinda suck at sleeping anyways). I mean the kind of trouble where the other night it took me four hours to fall asleep and then I only slept for two hours before I was fully awake again. No good. Makes for a very tired and grumpy nanny. Which creates grumpy children. The other

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-86346615540136741902007-10-21T22:47:00.000-05:002007-10-22T23:51:12.882-05:00

June 18, 2007-I'm on a plane flying home to Nashville. I'm crying, pleading with God. I've learned how to ask for what I really want, and for the first time, I do it. These are the words scribbled on the back of my boarding pass:Lord, may please I have a place to live and people to live with that I enjoy. People that I can share life with and hang out with in an environment that isn't

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-87536690208351033282007-10-21T21:46:00.001-05:002007-10-21T21:50:23.791-05:00

I went to a Halloween party Friday night with my boss, and this was on her neighbor's wall. I thought it would be a nice addition to my last post. Isn't it lovely?

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-46276485268948842642007-10-16T20:55:00.000-05:002007-10-16T21:34:04.714-05:00

I started my new job tonight. One of the fun things about what I do to make a living is that I get to work inside people's houses. And being the naturally nosy person that I am, this is fun to me. You can really tell a lot about a person, and about their life and how they live, by looking inside their house. Often what you find will surprise you. We as humans, trying to look like we have it all

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-83511258941402432442007-10-15T15:42:00.000-05:002007-10-15T15:56:33.655-05:00

*Warning: the post you are about to read will probably be a collection of very random thoughts. My head is loud today.*Occasionally, and I think I am not alone in this, I have these days where life is so overwhelming and loudly buzzing about me that I have a hard time doing anything other than running to my bed and pulling the covers over my head. No one can find me there. It's great. Thank

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-50281538293728604772007-10-14T07:14:00.000-05:002007-10-22T23:50:17.659-05:00

The clock in the car read 4:39am as I turned out of my subdivision and headed toward the airport. I had only been asleep for two hours when the alarm went off, so I wasn't really even tired. I had been psyching myself up for this all night. I was hoping it would be quick and painless, unlike my last three goodbyes. I made it to the airport in about fifteen minutes, parked the car, grabbed the

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-67354747778832611022007-10-10T21:40:00.000-05:002007-10-10T23:06:47.672-05:00

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."-Jesus (John 8:23)The Truth sets me free a little more each day, and it's changing my life. Oh, and it's permament. Not only on my foot, but also in my heart. I'm thankful for the Truth I continue to find to replace so many lies that I've believed for way too long. Thank You Jesus, for being the Truth. May I always be reminded, and

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-72339931247371232422007-10-09T18:13:00.000-05:002007-10-22T23:49:50.138-05:00

Right now I am sitting in one of the five gazillion branches of the Nashville Public Library surrounded by strangers. Yes, I have a computer at home, but there is just something about public libraries that has always attracted me. Of course the number one reason is because I love to read, and an endless supply of books I can read for free definitely sparks my interest, but there is also something

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-30037405929529774922007-10-07T22:42:00.000-05:002007-10-07T22:48:19.525-05:00

Another sudden death occurs in my life, and again I find myself asking why. Again I am reminded how quickly life can be gone, and how sometimes we just don't expect it. Sometimes it scares me to think how sudden death could come, and I think back on the occasions of my life when people have passed in surprise, and how we have dealt with it. I think about how people reacted, and how tragedies like

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-34503363810660853112007-10-03T21:43:00.000-05:002007-10-03T21:45:05.598-05:00

i will eventually post the other half of that last blog. i just can't seem to get my words right. i need to work on it some more...stand by :)

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-86014700099834261272007-10-03T00:32:00.000-05:002007-10-03T00:50:05.452-05:00

I've never told anyone this, but when I was seventeen I was diagnosed with a personality disorder by a social worker. I think I've never told anyone because I thought it made me sound crazy. And well, yeah, I am a little crazy :). I've been accused of having more than one personality on occasion, but I've always denied it. I don't think I would have ever admitted this if it wasn't for a series of

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-65341023999732175512007-09-18T19:12:00.000-05:002007-09-18T21:23:02.261-05:00

This is my friend Drake. He's fifteen months old, and probably one of cutest toddlers you've ever seen, right? Maybe I'm partial, but even if I wasn't I would still think he's cute. The problem with precious baby Drake, though, is that he KNOWS he's cute. And that makes it very hard to take him in public. Wherever we are, if we walk past anyone that doesn't acknowledge his presence, he will make

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-57317561763737366182007-09-16T19:59:00.000-05:002007-09-16T20:00:01.119-05:00

This weekend we were blessed with weather that hardly ever happens. I mean, it was amazing. And tonight I got the pleasure of sitting on the second level of my back deck and watching the sun set over the huge hills in my subdivision. I truly believe that one of the most amazing things God does is paint the sunsets. He paints them so that we can sit and watch them, and remember how beautiful He is

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-85163462481714403112007-09-03T21:26:00.000-05:002007-10-22T23:48:46.945-05:00

I have to admit that for about a week now, my heart has been too bitter to allow me to function properly. I spent the week in hiding, pretty much refusing much social contact. Jesus was working on my heart, and I wasn't allowing it to cause me pain. I hardened my heart. And then last night God showed up in the most unexpected way, at the most unexpected time. I had plans to hang out with a friend

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-83785458405035688542007-08-23T21:32:00.000-05:002007-10-22T23:48:03.023-05:00

I turned the key in the lock and we started down the stairs with the last bags of trash to take out. It had been thundering loudly while we loaded the last of my stuff in the car, and I was just hoping the rain would hold off until I was ready to go. I kept telling him that the coming storm was a sign; that maybe I shouldn't go. We walked to the dumpsters and threw the trash in, and right as we

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-86312086568095375552007-08-18T16:29:00.000-05:002007-08-18T16:29:56.475-05:00

I've spent the last few hours packing my life into boxes so that I can put it all into a U-Haul tomorrow and move to the next county. To be perfectly honest, there isn't an ounce of my being that wants to make this move anymore. You see, I have this problem with making decisions. Decisions, especially big ones (but usually small ones too!), scare the hell out of me. I'm terrified that I'm going

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-24426019224847153762007-08-12T18:24:00.000-05:002007-10-22T23:47:02.483-05:00

I am moving in a few days, and being the procrastinator that I am I just decided to start packing today. You see, packing for me was going to require going through everything that moved home with me last August that has been abandoned in my empty dining room ever since. No one but me knows why I have left these things abandoned for the last eleven months. No one but me knows the emotion contained

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8977150254591696858.post-41919164861123832902007-08-09T19:57:00.000-05:002007-08-09T19:58:03.826-05:00

It's been one of those weeks where I haven't ever felt more alone. One of those times where I can hear myself scream, but no one else seems to be listening. I often have a really hard time knowing how to express how much I'm hurting, and because of that no one can reach out to me. My car is forced to witness my mental break downs at the beginning and end of each day, because for some reason I

joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14482496862801020106noreply@blogger.com0