Home.

Oh, I'm home. I'm so glad. I walked in the door and was immediately hugged by my roommate. It feels good to be missed :) Sometimes I'm not sure anyone ever misses me. Now I know. And I am grateful.

As soon as I recover from a very long trip and a very busy weekend ahead, I promise I will post all that has gone on. I don't have to go back to work until the 26th. Woo Hoo!!!

Be ready for funny stories and funny pictures and videos. A week with kids produces much of that. And I'm pretty sure my boss is now one of my best friends. 20 hours in the car and a week in her parents house made that happen :) Again, I am grateful.

But most of all, I am grateful to be HOME. This is home. And I am grateful.

Kindness, Goodness, and a Fresh Pair of Eyes...

Tonight I went to a gathering (I don't much like to use the word "party" as a noun) at the home of two people I am ever so pleased to call my friends, and I took my new roommate with me. She hasn't met many people in the week that she has been here, and I really wanted her to meet the fabulous people that I call my friends. I, of course, had ideas of how she would fall in love with my friends as everyone else does. But see, we had a problem. She had a very long week at her new job, and has had a slightly hard time adjusting to the change of moving here and leaving everything she had ever known on her own free will. I get that. So she wasn't much in the "partying" mood tonight, and stayed slightly hidden most of the evening.

Something I've learned very quickly about her is that when she gets really tired, she gets really sad. This has broken my heart every time, because I want very much for her to feel comfortable and happy here. I want to do everything I can to help her feel welcome, and loved, and happy to be here. Tonight, though, I seemed to have had my own agenda. She was ready to leave and go to bed, and I chose to ignore the signs and keep pursuing my own happiness. This was wrong of me, but it gave the chance for another one of God's beautiful daughters to step into her life and love the way He taught us. It was truly beautiful.

There is a person in my group of friends that I have a really hard time getting. One of those things where I really don't want to misunderstand them. I really want to be able to put aside past opinions and barriers, and be able to open the eyes of understanding between this person and me. It has been a desire of mine for months, but I had yet to accomplish this. I really wanted to have a friendship with this person; I've felt drawn to them. That being said, this might have been one of the last people I expected my roommate to form a bond with. And yet, if I had had any sense at all, I would have seen how perfect it would be. And it was.

This person is so incredibly kind. She sat and talked to and loved on my precious, homesick new friend while I was selfish. She listened, and she gave of herself. The eyes of my heart were opened at the goodness I saw in this person, and all of the prior opinions I had fell away. That, to me, is one of the greatest blessings God has so obviously placed in front of me in a long time. To see such genuine kindness in another person that I am so often afraid I misunderstand, while at the same time feeling the sting of my own selfishness. I am blessed to have seen such beauty in another person. I am so grateful to them for loving my new friend. It means the world to me when people show kindness to the people I care about. It's so precious.

I know this probably hasn't made much sense to anyone but me. These are just my thoughts tonight, about a few people I really care about. I really hope sometime I can tell this friend of mine how precious I think they are, and how much I appreciate the goodness that just spills out of them. I am ever so grateful that they showed such kindness to a stranger that I happen to care so much about. I really am just so grateful that this person is who she is, and that I'm beginning to see who she is through fresh, new eyes.

I'm convinced that sometimes the most beautiful people God creates are standing right in front of us, but we can't see it because our human hearts are too quick to judge, or too stubborn for second chances. I want to banish these attitudes from my heart and from my life. I want to see people through the eyes of Jesus, and I want to see such goodness in people much more often. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again: I am ever so blessed to know the people I know. They are some of God's greatest creation. Tonight, again, I was reminded.

Answers in Time...

June 18, 2007-
I'm on a plane flying home to Nashville. I'm crying, pleading with God. I've learned how to ask for what I really want, and for the first time, I do it. These are the words scribbled on the back of my boarding pass:
Lord, may please I have a place to live and people to live with that I enjoy. People that I can share life with and hang out with in an environment that isn't stressful.

August 19, 2007-
I moved into the house with the boys (Bryan and Jeremy). The next day, they both go out of town. Come to find out, they are both out of town A LOT. I don't see them much. I have a hard time having relationships with them. They are boys, after all. What did I expect? I wonder how this is possibly the answer to my prayers. It doesn't make sense. God, did you hear my prayer? Is this the answer?

October 20, 2007-
I woke up at one in the afternoon, and I have a new roommate living in the previously empty room upstairs. Her name is Ashley. She moved here from Georgia for a job. We meet, and have lunch with Bryan. She's great. I wonder if we might be friends.

October 21, 2007-
I'm sitting in the car with Ashley. We've spent the whole last two days together, genuinely having a good time, and getting to know each other. She looks at me and tells me how glad she is that I live in the house. I tell her how glad I am that she is here. I'm wondering where she has been the rest of my life. We've already reached the deep level it takes me months to reach with another person. I suddenly realize that God answered my prayer. He just asked me to wait a while. And it was worth the wait...

I have a new roommate. She is the answer to my prayers. I am so grateful. Thank You, Jesus. You answered me, in Your own time. I couldn't have picked anyone better, at any better time. Only You could. But that's just Who You Are...

Irreplaceable Lessons in Unexplainable Love

Right now I am sitting in one of the five gazillion branches of the Nashville Public Library surrounded by strangers. Yes, I have a computer at home, but there is just something about public libraries that has always attracted me. Of course the number one reason is because I love to read, and an endless supply of books I can read for free definitely sparks my interest, but there is also something about the library that makes me happy on the inside. And that, of course, always inspires me to write. So I am going to take this chance to write what I am thinking RIGHT NOW, instead of waiting until later when I am too tired to write. Here goes...

The last few days (or weeks, rather) I have been overwhelmed with gratefulness for knowing the people I know. I am convinced that God has blessed me in such a way that I am friends with the greatest, most humble, most beautiful people He has ever created. But as I was thinking about it this afternoon, I realized that I am grateful for the people in my life for all different kinds of reasons. My friends are most definitely categorized, in many different ways, and many of them fall into more than one category. And these categories play different roles in my life. One thing is for sure though, I am equally grateful for each and every one of them.

I am grateful for, and forever indebted to, my friends that are older than I am. I have been blessed to have older friends that are wonderful teachers, and that are willing to share their stories with me so that I know someone else has gone through what I go through. My best friend is 8 1/2 years older than me, and while our friendship started with me leading her to Jesus, she soon cut in front and I now look to her for so much advice about growing up. She makes me not fear getting older, because she does it with such grace. She would do anything for me, and proves it over and over again, even when I'm a brat. She holds a special place in my heart, and always will. One of the dearest friends I have ever had (you know who you are) is five years older than me, and has taught me (or rather, let Jesus teach me through her) more in the seven months we have been friends, than anyone ever has in my whole life. She has come the closet to loving me like Jesus would than any friend I have ever had. I learn patience and perseverance from her because of how she is toward me. I respect and admire her more than she will ever know. She reminds me to breathe. Another friend of mine who is three years older than me has taught me that it is still ok to speak truth to people that are older than you are. She has showed me how to be a friend to someone who doesn't want a friend, and she has listened as I whine about life almost every day. I am forever indebted to my older friends. Without them, I would be blind to hope for the future. I hope they know the impact they have made on my life.

I am grateful for, and most easily am myself around, my friends that are the same age as me (give or take a year). These are my closest friends. The ones that I share mutual give-take relationships with. The ones that go through the same struggles and stages that I do, near or at the same times as me. Most important of these are the friends that I have come to share all parts of life with. I have a group of five to ten people that I can share my joys, struggles, heartbreaks, and celebrations with, at all times. Some of them I talk to every day, and some I don't, but these are the people I run to when something exciting happens (even if it's only exciting to me), or when I'm having a bad week. They speak truth into my life even when it hurts, and they party with me when we have something to celebrate. These are the people that show up when they know I need them to, even if they have nothing to say. They know me well enough to read me, and that speaks volumes. Life would be horribly lonely without these friends.

I am grateful for, and have the most stupid-fun with, my friends that are younger than me. It is often these people that remind me that I take life a little too seriously sometimes. They remind me to let go and play, and help restore a little of the innocence I lost such a long time ago. They teach me patience, because I have to remember that I once didn't have anything figured out yet, either. They make me miss being young enough to not worry about so much, and they keep the child inside me alive. They give me someone to take care of, and they make me feel cool. They give me someone to pass the wisdom that I have received from my older friends onto. I am positive my life wouldn't be so much fun if I didn't have friends that were younger than me. They make my heart smile :).

We need other people in our lives. We need the people that walk in front of, the ones that walk beside us, and the ones that walk behind us. I am also lucky enough that I have many friends that do two of these things, and a few that even do all three! Those are the most precious by far. My friends are my family, and lately I have realized just how blessed I am. If you are reading this, and I call you my friend, then know that I am grateful for you. You are special to me. And I thank God for you every single day. I am blessed to know the most beautiful people God has created, and I am blessed to call them my friends.

...He has done for me

I have to admit that for about a week now, my heart has been too bitter to allow me to function properly. I spent the week in hiding, pretty much refusing much social contact. Jesus was working on my heart, and I wasn't allowing it to cause me pain. I hardened my heart. And then last night God showed up in the most unexpected way, at the most unexpected time. I had plans to hang out with a friend of mine that I have known for a while now, and yet never spent one-on-one time with before. We felt it was time, and we made a dinner date. God had bigger plans.

After we ate, we went to grab some dessert before we were going to head back to her apartment and watch a movie. As we were waiting on our dessert, we discovered that we had never really traded life stories, even though we knew bits and pieces about each other, and we thought maybe last night would be a good time for that. We both figured we could accomplish this within about half an hour. We were so wrong. As she began to talk first, I made it a point to practice my listening skills, and became very interested in what she had to say about how God had brought her to this point in her life. She definitely had some surprises for me, but it wasn't until I began to share, too, that the walls were really torn down for both of us and Jesus entered in and joined us at the picnic table we were sharing.

It wasn't until about four months ago that I realized how powerful it is when people are real. I mean the vulnerable, fearless, holding nothing back kind of real. This has never been a strong point for me, because I have major trust issues and my secrets aren't even common knowledge amongst my closest friends. But as I sat talking with this precious friend of mine last night, something in my heart was ready to just bear it all. Something in me told me that she deserved the whole story, complete with the heartaches and pain and darkness. So I shared, and I left no parts out. And as we sat and talked, I realized so much that I had never known about myself and what I've come through and how much my perspective has changed. I found myself realizing God's purposes for some of the things I have been through, and I started to see how strong He has formed my faith to be through the struggles. I was suddenly aware of how much my heart has changed, and how much I have grown. It was beautiful.

As we were nearing the end of my story, I felt compelled to talk about the search for healing that I have been on for a few months now. I often am pretty convinced that I am not the only person walking around desperate for the healing that only Jesus can bring. Last night as I found myself able to be real about my pain, it offered the freedom for my friend to do the same. And there is so much power, so much healing, in being able to share true pain with another. We were able to bring out secrets long hidden that had hardened out hearts, and made us cold. We were able to ask for healing, and find life again. We were able to ask Jesus into the dark places, even though He had been there all along. We found light. We found warmth. And we found freedom.

Tonight as I sat down to spend some time with Jesus, I was reminded of the David Crowder song "Come and Listen". I realized that last night, that was what the conversation all about. Come and listen to what Jesus has done in my life, and allow me to come and listen to what He has done in yours. We have power in our stories, because we have allowed the power of Jesus to change our hearts, change our minds, and change our perspective. Sometimes we forget this, and sometimes we don't know how far we've come or why we've been through what we've been through until we allow ourselves to be real with another, and let the walls fall down. Praise God for his sovereignty in what He allows us to walk through, praise God for healing, and praise God for freedom found only through Him.

Praise our God, for He is good.
He has done for me. He has done for you. He has done for us.