Becoming

Most mornings when I get to work, I head straight for the coffee pot. I make about half a pot, give or take a cup, depending on how much I need to be awakened that day. I stand in the kitchen and talk with my boss and the boys until it is done, and then I grab my mug and fix myself some. Once it is ready, I find a spot in the house (usually a couch or the stairs), get the boys occupied with something, and curl up for a bit. This is my thinking time. This is when I decide how my day is going to go. This is when it all comes out.

Once upon a time, there were days and days of this being the time of the day when I really had to convince myself that I was going to make it through another one. I would sit and bargain with myself about how I would survive the next eight hours, and wonder how soon I could get back in my bed. I would often replay in my mind how bad things currently were, and I would wonder when the pain would end. Once upon a time, I hated this time of the morning.

These days, things are a little different. I had coffee with a friend the other day, and could not seem to find the right words to express to her just how much everything, everything, has changed. And that includes my mornings.

I now look forward to this time of reflection. This is when I get to thank God for the blessings He allows me to wake up to each morning. This is when I get to congratulate myself on how good I am doing, and how far I am coming. This is when I grab my phone and catch up with friends that I often haven't caught up with in a few days. This is my favorite time of the day.

I am amazing myself (and others!) each day at how much I am allowing what I am going through to completely transform my life and who I am. I am on an amazing journey of self-discovery, and am truly enjoying finding out who I am and what I am capable of. I think that these periods in our life are truly precious. I am proud to say that I am really liking me. That is a definite first.

The other day one of my roommates told me that he noticed that I have learned to be a much more tolerable person lately (yeah, thanks). But I took it as a compliment. That is what I want to become. I want to become someone that people don't mind being with. I want to become someone that is kind and giving, and someone that I once wasn't. I want to be who I am supposed to be, and I believe that I am finding my way on that journey better than ever before.

Now if only I could kill the caffeine addiction that accompanies my morning routine...