Another "Relative" Term

For me, the definition of "family" is relative (no pun intended). I have had an unfortunate and awkward family situation develop in the last four-ish years of my life, and I would no longer consider my "family" to be the people I share blood with as much as it is the people that I share my life with. I have my reasons for considering my situation to be unfortunate. In in ideal situation, your blood relatives, the people you grew up around, are supposed to be the ones that you can fall back on. The ones that stand beside you through the storms of life. The ones that love and understand you, unconditionally. Unfortunately, it doesn't always turn out this way. Unfortunately things (or people) get in the way.

On Monday, while I was still in New York, I took it upon myself to randomly pop into the hotel that my step-brother manages. I took him by an extreme amount of surprise by just walking up behind him to say hey. He didn't know I was in town. He was a little bit beyond shocked. Like the last time I was in town and randomly snuck up on him, it was weird. We don't really know what to talk about. We know so little about each other, and our parents are married to each other. Weird. And awkward.

This afternoon, I called my dad to ask him to email something to me, and it occured to me that we are completely incapable of having a normal, just shooting the breeze conversation. It's all business. Last time I checked, being as this is the parent that raised me, it shouldn't be like this. But it is.

I went through a rough time a few months ago, and there were nights that I just wished there was a doorstep I could show up on, where the person on the other side would embrace me and take me in, like parents should do for their hurting children. I didn't have that, and it hurt.

I am grateful that God has given me chosen family to fill that place in my heart. I have had at least four surrogate mothers in the last four years who were willing to hold me when I cried, and listen to my stories of trying to grow up. I have had people try their hardest to fill in for what I no longer have in a real family, and I appreciate their heartfelt efforts.

It still saddens me, though, that I am missing out on so much. Holidays often bring me to tears, because there is no warm house to go back to, no cozy couch to sit on while catching up with family. There is no mother to answer life's greatest questions for me, or to guide me on how to be a good wife and mother. I do the best I can, but sometimes I am still reminded deep inside of what I am missing.

I had no intentions of this turning into such a long post, I have just had lots of thoughts since seeing my step-brother the other day of how family is more about who we share our lives with and who we can fall back on. It is not who we are forced to be related to, or what our parents marry in to. Family is a choice, and mine chose to turn the other way. So I'll take those willing to replace what I no longer have, and I will love them with all that is left in me. My friends are my family, and I think I like it that way.